Kim Namjoon BTS fanfic...
Namjoon POV
Another day waking up to not see you next to me. Another day of me not hearing your laugh, to not see your beautiful face when you laugh. I looked in the mirror and remembered all the times you stood here with me, putting on makeup and me telling you that you didn't need it. All the times you would playfully hit me, all of it... gone.
"Hyung, are you ok" Jungkook said.
"Leave me alone Jungkook, I don't need your pity, I don't need you" I said as Jungkook walked out.
"Namjoon, stop. I didn't do it" she yelled at me.
"Get out" I yelled at her. No, I didn't mean it.
"Oppa".
"GET OUT! I HATE YOU!" . No, no,no. I don't hate you.
"FINE I am leaving" she said.
It is my fault your gone. I lifted up my sleeve on my shirt. Looking at all the scars I left on my arm wasn't enough. I loved you and I yelled at you. If I was a good boyfriend and held you when you needed me, you would still be here. I would still be holding you. I could be stroking my fingers through your hair. You would be happy... I would be happy.
I walked to my bed, and remembered you sat here. Holding my hand smiling. You would have been the best wife. Someone I could have held in my arms.
"Please jagi don't leave me" I said holding her hand.
"Mr.Kim, she's gone" the doctor said. I cried and screamed your name. Your here because of me. I love you so much and now I wouldn't get to see your beautiful smile anymore. Please don't leave me. I am so sorry. I don't hate you, I didn't mean it.
That day played in my head over and over again. I grabbed your shirt that you wore the day I asked you out. "I remember when you wore this shirt. When you told me that you wanted to be mine, I remember when you smiled and said that you loved me." I cried into it again. God, you're not here because I told you I hated you. I didn't mean it.
I reached over the bed and grabbed a pair of scissors and cut 1...2...3. The pain didn't hurt as much. I bled all over the bed and I didn't care. Life wasn't the same without you. I pulled my shirt down and walked out of my room.
"Namjoon, do you want something to eat" Jin asked.
"No".
"God stop crying. She's gone" Yoongi said heartless. That bastard.
"Yoongi, shut up" Jimin said punching Yoongi.
"You don't even care. I loved her so much and now your right, she is gone. I can't be able to hold her anymore. I guess you got what you wanted Yoongi. SO LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME". I stormed off back into my room.
I grabbed the picture of me and you at the park. God, I miss you so much. I wish I could hold you one more time, I'd give anything to see your smile again. This is my fault. I grabbed my bag and keys. I left the house without saying anything to any one. I sat in the car and remembered when you sat next to me holding my hand.
"Oppa, can we go to the store?"
"Sure". You kissed me then blushed. "Aww, how cute".
"Stop it!"
"You are the cutest thing ever". You grabbed my hand and held it really tight. You smiled.
I remember your beautiful smile and soft kisses. I wiped the tear away from my eye and started driving. I got to your resting place and knelt down to your tombstone.
'Here lies the beautiful (Y/N)'
My tears ran down my face. A tear landed on your name and I watched it run down the letter.
"I am so sorry. If I told you how much you mean to me you wouldn't be laying here. We would be at home holding the baby. I know you were pregnant. Jagiya, I am so sorry. I can't live without you. It is so hard to see happy people and everyone move on. I hate people showing pity towards me. You would have been the best mother and wife. I am so sorry, I didn't mean what I said, I love you so much."
I reached inside my back pack and grabbed my pills.
"I want to be with you" I said before downing all the pills dry. Light became brighter and brighter and I stopped breathing. I can be with you now, I can hold you and my daughter. I love you. Living without you, I can't do it.
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